No one can pinpoint an exact date when the left solidified their stranglehold on the U.S., it just sorta happened. We were like the frog in a pot of water – at first the water was cool and refreshing, then cozy and warm, and in the blink of an eye, we were frog soup.

A simple majority in congress was first, then they took the presidency, next they increased their control of congress and finally, named seven members of the Supreme Court. Then the changes came – nothing was sacred – we were doomed.

We learned about these events because of recently discovered papers detailing how Michel Nostradamus “saw the future.” Those documents enabled scientists to build a device that can actually see the world yet to come.

Over several months of viewing sessions, the scientists documented observations of life as it will be with liberals in charge - it's not a pretty picture. You can think of the events they describe as predictions of what will be ...

And to further diversity, a signing bonus is paid to those who do not speak English.

The Department of Compassion has started another progressive program, called the “level playing field” program. It applies to all citizens, regardless of their native language or country of origin. Effective Jan. 1, all government documents and signage will be produced in Esperanto only, thus removing any advantage that English-speaking citizens would have had over disadvantaged immigrants. “We just want everyone to have an equal opportunity,” said Dr. Pepe Roni.

 NOTE to patients: Please be patient when scheduling an accident or illness, ACME-Care Schedulers are not required to speak English and have difficulty with any concept more complex than chewing gum.

Explosive Diarrhea is exempt from scheduling but requires a 48 hour notice to dispatch a hazmat hose-down of walls, floors, and innocent bystanders.

The new drug powerhouse Price-Spitzer, Inc. has received FDA approval for two new drugs, Obamacillin and Obamamycin. Dubbed the “Messiah Drugs”, they have been responsible for complete eradication of jock itch, yeast infections, hair loss, and constipation.

Commercial companies have secured contracts with ACME-Care. For example, IKEA offers stylish Scandinavian replacement organs. Oscar Meyer and Kwik Kar operate chains of clinics that install and service the replacement lips, noses, ears, toes, etc., and Fancy Feast provides used-organ disposal services.

Always popular, Pep Boys drive-thru cosmetic surgery centers are also covered. They are known for their “buy one, get one free” promotions. Manny, Moe, and Jack happily provide personal hands-on after-care for boob jobs (boobs are big at Pep Boys), with buttockal reductions following close behind.

Due to their popularity, equine penile transplants are no longer covered under ACME-Care. They’re now available only at auctions conducted by Sotheby’s and Christie’s where the lots are identified as “Organs by the Pound.”

Woodup and Limpbegon are replacements for Viagra and Cialis. The new ED drugs utilize a two part formula (Extender and Hardener) that activates when applied vigorously to the member.

WARNING: African-American men should not apply in a confined space such as a small bathroom, phone booth, or while in line at the DMV.

As a limited time promotional package, Woodup comes with nifty toss-rings and horseshoes. Not to be outdone, Limpbegon is offering small national flags and sock puppets.

Artificial insemination is now accomplished conveniently at home by a purpose-built android. One simply inserts a “seed” cartridge into the android’s slot and selects one of several pre-programmed impregnation activities. The androids have become so popular that the sale of seedless cartridges (called “blanks”) is a booming industry and there are reports that human men have been caught impersonating the androids.

The decades old search for Osama bin Laden has once again been narrowed to the Waziristan region of Pakistan where some say he had gone to visit his girlfriend, Omama bin Saggin. While many have thought him dead for years, reports still persist of sightings. The most recent sighting was in a Starbucks in Parachinar where he was seen ordering a “decaf goat milk Latte.”

Having recently replaced the U.S. Supreme Court as the country’s highest judicial authority, the California-based Ninth Circuit issued its first ruling; it found that the Constitution was unconstitutional. Following on the Ninth Circuit's history, the ruling was automatically struck down immediately following their ruling.

The court also repealed all federal laws and noted that old laws were too strict and did not allow an opportunity for a “do-over.” Penalties for breaking a law were uncivilized and downright nasty and didn’t mitigate punishment when the offender was really, really sorry.

All “old” laws have been replaced by Judicial Suggestions and in a rare case of accord; the court voted unanimously to require that all Suggestions begin with the word “Please.”

The U.S. no longer votes for a president. Our “Dear Savior” is now selected by exit poll votes taken from shoppers leaving Sam’s Club and Costco. Ms. Willemina Clinton (Chelsea's daughter, known as “slick Willemina”) is in her final term as our leader.

A Board of Ministers has replaced the old House and Senate congressional bodies. No longer are citizens inconvenienced by those pesky elections, the new governing board is bi-partisan, being composed of equal numbers of liberal progressives and progressive liberals.

The ASPCA has been picketing the Bush presidential library for months, ever since they learned that he had been committed to a “war on terriers.” Ms. Sue Phlay, spokesperson for the picketers, asked the tearful question “why did Bush start a war on terriers? What kind of man would declare war on those sweet little dogs”?