Posted by
Garnet92 on Friday, July 18, 2008 7:49:14 PM
The “Safer World for Our Children” treaty was ratified in December when the world’s powers destroyed all of their nuclear stockpiles and committed to abolishing all warlike actions. The treaty is hailed as the “end of all hostilities and the start of a peaceful future for our children.”
The next day, when they verified that the world's powers had indeed destroyed their stockpiles of WMDs, Iran announced they just remembered where they had misplaced their secret nuclear arsenal and demanded that the entire world surrender immediately.
Our Unconditional Peace Negotiator, D. Licious O’Bama was caught off guard by Iran’s move, he believed them to be benign and thought that they liked us, they really, really, liked us.
Hu Flung Dung, North Korea’s Dear Leader, threatened to boycott all dismantlement and arms freeze agreements and resume non-testing of its non-existent nuclear program (if it had one).
Orbiting spy satellites observed that there was not a golf-umbrella-sized mushroom cloud evident at one of North Korea’s facilities (it was not a nuclear test facility). Based on North Korea’s history, that would have been a successful non-test.
Israelistine is back at the negotiating table, attempting to resolve decades-old issues with itself. So far, the only agreement has North Gaza firing rockets into South Gaza on even-numbered days, while South Gaza returns fire to the north on odd-numbered days.
The decades old search for Osama bin Laden has once again been narrowed to the Waziristan region of Pakistan where some say he had gone to visit his girlfriend, Omama bin Saggin. While many have thought him dead for years, reports still persist of sightings. The most recent sighting was in a Starbucks in Parachinar where he was seen ordering a “decaf goat milk Latte.”
Since militant Islam is no longer able to persuade human volunteers to become martyrs, they've tried using trained monkies to carry saddlebags of explosives into restaurants and town squares. Fortunately, the trained monkies are smarter than the human "martyrs" and simply disarm the bomb and immediately go to the Virgin Monkey Store to get their 72 virgin monkies.
A hastily-called meeting by the Minister of Peace, Hal Apeno, brought together the best minds in the administration to address the threat posed by the Somali Navy. They are demanding an increase in the tribute paid to them or they will blockade the North American continent. The Somalis now control the seas since the United Nations disbanded all standing navies in the late 2000's. Though old, the guided missle destroyers USS Nancy Pelosi and USS Bawney Fwank are still formidable warships and are capable of destroying any and all of our unarmed container ships. It is ironic that the majority of the Somali Navy is made up of U.S. warships lost at sea to Somali pirates in the early 2000's.
Updated: 4/12/2009