Posted by
Garnet92 on Sunday, July 20, 2008 7:38:00 PM
Immigration policies were completely restructured so that Vegetation Technicians and Fruit Acquisition Specialists (and their families) are automatically registered as democrat voters upon "crossing the plane” of the southern U.S. border. Voting proxies are also filed which give the Speaker of the Politbureau (currently Petunia Pelosi) the right to cast votes on their behalf.
Amnesty has been granted to all “pre-legal” immigrants already in the U.S. They’ll receive U.S. citizenship along with a check to cover retroactive benefits. The payment is to compensate them for benefits to which they would have been entitled if they’d gotten here sooner. The Department of Compassion didn’t want to penalize them for late arrival.
And to further the diversity of language, a signing bonus is paid to those who do not speak English and will promise not to learn. Opponents complain that this is just to justify the $606 billion dollars spent on Esperanto signage.
The Department of Compassion has started another progressive program, called the “level playing field” program. It applies to all citizens, regardless of their native language or country of origin. Effective Jan. 1, all government documents and signage will be produced in Esperanto only, thus removing any advantage that English-speaking citizens would have had over disadvantaged immigrants. “We just want everyone to have an equal opportunity,” said Director Dr. Pepe Roni.
With large concentrations of new citizens flexing their political muscle, the state previously known as “Texas” will be renamed “Texico,” California is being renamed “Tacofornia,” and efforts are underway in Arizona to change that state’s name to “Refried Arizona.”
The contentious issue of jobs for the new citizens was put to rest by hiring all undocumented immigrants into government jobs. The new employees were easily trained by existing bureaucrats to adopt the classic government employee attitudes of anger, belligerence, and hostility.
A new class of government employee has been created to provide interpretive services between classic government workers and citizens who require assistance. Since civil service union rules prohibit government workers helping citizens, the new employees will act as if they care, thus relieving civil servants from the stress of pretending.
One of the most sought-after new jobs is Terrorist Screener. With profiling forbidden, terrorists must voluntarily self-identify themselves and specify “murder and mayhem” as the purpose for their visit. Absent such evidence, the new immigrant is welcomed. So far, the new program has been hailed as a success since no terrorists have been identified.
As a result of the new immigration policies, Mexico’s entire population has immigrated to the U.S. - Mexico is now empty.
As they're no longer needed, the Obama "Bridges To Hope" over the Rio Grande will be demolished. The thirty-two bridges have served their purpose in facilitating the entry of Mexicans into the United Estates by eliminating those pesky border crossings.